poisoned world

I keep finding new things missing.

I had this Gigantor tin type toy replica that used to be on top of the TV. It was one of those things I picked up at a con on a Sunday afternoon. I don't remember which con or which dealer. But they had a box full of them and nobody was buying so they'd marked 'em down to next to nothing. I never opened the box, either. Not because I'm one of those Mint-In-Box type of people. But because the box also replicated the old tin type toy packaging. So it had these cool Yokoyama illos all over it with that post-war era water colouring they did.

They took that.

I had a couple of old CD ROMs I'd bought over the internet back in the 90s from the UK, and a bunch of Kamen Rider Black RX VCDs from Malaysia stacked between the Averatec and the Asus.

They helped themselves to those.

I had my Tapwave Zodiac PDA on it's charging cradle on the desk behind the Asus.

They took that.

I found the cap for the ATI HDTV Wonder USB that I'd just got from Woot last week in a corner under the desk. I got it because they'd broadcast Jack And The Witch on one of the DTV sub channels on Halloween and I wanted to record it the next time it aired.

They took that, too. It was hooked up to the Averatec.

They'd tossed everything to the floor. They'd walked over my Atom Kids CD to get to the Asus. They'd shattered the CD case.

I couldn't sleep last night. I finally got tired of staring at the ceiling around 4:30 AM and got up and made coffee. Then I walked around my room finding new things that were missing. Small, little valueless things. The Asus was a $200 netbook. The Averatec was refurbished when I bought it 5 years ago.

The Averatec makes me the angriest. I had spent hours, days, putting together video clips for the Hell show this Saturday. Editing sound and video. Drawing cel after cel of Santas and elves and Krampuses and Hell Nurse Katies. On the Averatec hard drive.

All that work. All that. All gone.

At some point last night I was thinking, no problem. I can sit down and draw that animation all over again. But then I realized I can't. The Averatec was a Tablet PC. I'd bought it because I can't seem to get my brain and my drawing hand to work together with a Wacom Tablet. With the Averatec I could draw directly on the sceen. And it worked for me. But they took that away from me. I've lost a valuable tool. And I don't have the money to replace it. I can't sit down and draw that animation all over again. I can't animate cartoons. All the money and time I've invested in that set up is gone. And it makes me angry. Very angry.

They took that.

Only 4 days away from doing a show at YuleCon. This happens. Only 8 days from my birthday.

Some things can be replaced. Most things can't. The most important things are most likely lost forever.

I walked around the room before I left for work doing a mental inventory. But then I thought, what's the point? What does it matter?

The world is poisoned, and so am I.